Grief is a natural response to a big loss or change. Most commonly, we associate grief with mourning the death of a loved one – but we can also grieve through seasons of transition like a career change, a big move, or even positive transitions like becoming a parent.
While grief looks different for everyone, there are common stages that most people experience – though the duration and intensity aren’t the same from one person to the next. Some psychological models address 5 stages, while more recent ones have expanded to 7 stages. While any phase of grief can be tough to process, the Bible gives us hope and encouragement as we walk through seasons of grief.
What are the 7 stages of grief?
Generally, there are seven stages of grief that one might experience. You may or may not go through these in the same order – or even experience all of them – but these are the most common:
1. Shock
The initial reaction to loss often brings with it feelings of shock, disbelief, or even numbness. Oftentimes, grief starts with denial as a way to “soften the blow” – letting the emotional pain of grief come on more gradually instead of hitting all at once.
As you’re processing difficult news, remember this encouragement from the Bible: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” Psalm 34:18.
2. Denial
After the initial shock, denial may set in. You might find yourself struggling to accept the reality of the loss you’re facing. You may even try to pretend it hasn’t happened and go about life as normal.
In the denial phase, it’s important not to push down the emotions you need to feel. Give yourself time to process and seek support from loved ones. And don’t forget that God is your refuge, “an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1).
3. Anger
Anger is another perfectly normal emotion to feel in the grieving process. Loss is painful, and sometimes that pain can stir up anger – anger at the situation, at yourself, or even at God.
Anger itself isn’t sinful, but sometimes it can drive us to sin. That's why it’s important to find healthy, productive ways to express your anger during this time. Journal and write down your difficult feelings, talk to a friend or family member you trust, or pray openly and honestly to God. (He can handle it!)
4. Bargaining
As the reality of your grief sets in, it’s natural for guilt to bubble to the surface. You might find yourself wondering if you could’ve done something to prevent the loss (even if there was nothing you could do). You may even try to bargain with God, hoping that making promises or changing something might undo the pain.
It’s important not to suppress these feelings. As difficult as it may be, the best thing you can do for yourself in this stage is allow yourself to feel and process your emotions. As you do, remember to let God in. He wants us to cast our anxieties and difficult feelings on him because he cares that deeply for us (1 Peter 5:7). He wants to walk with you through your struggle.
5. Depression
This is probably the emotion most commonly associated with grief. After all, a big loss inevitably leads to deep feelings of despair. These feelings can take hold and make it harder for us to keep up with daily routines or spend time with other people. The isolation creates a cycle that can be hard to break.
If a loss has you struggling with depression or feelings of hopelessness, you’re not alone. Remember that God is inviting you to come to him, in all your weariness and with all the heavy baggage of your feelings (Matthew 11:28). Remember also that there are resources available to you – like counseling and medication – that can help you recover from depression.
If you’d like to talk to a mental health professional, let us know! We'd be happy to connect you with a trusted counselor near you.
6. Testing
In Psalm 30:5, we’re given the hope-filled reminder that “weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” The heavy fog of grief will eventually start to lift. And when it does, you may step into the stage of testing – taking baby steps to move forward and begin to heal.
As you test out what it looks like to move forward into hope and healing, be sure to observe your progress. You may not be able to make a bunch of big changes all at once, but even the small victories are worth celebrating.
7. Acceptance
In its later stages, grief eventually gives way to acceptance. You’ll never forget the loss you’ve faced, but you will make peace with it eventually. This is where joy, hope, and gratitude re-emerge.
As you move into the stage of acceptance, continue to lean on the strategies that helped you through the worst of your grief. Prayer, journaling, counseling, and keeping a good support system will always be beneficial!
Grief takes time
The most important thing to remember with grief is that you can’t rush it. These different stages will take as long as they take, and the key to coping is accepting what you’re feeling and giving yourself permission to feel it. Acknowledging where you’re at is the first step toward healing – and with time, prayer, and support from others, you will see brighter days.
Most of all, rest in the hope that grief was not part of God’s design, and there will come a day where grief is no more. “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain” (Revelation 21:4). Hold onto the hope that grief isn’t forever, and there will be a day where God wipes every tear from your eyes, too.
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Grief affects kids too. If you’re caring for a child who’s processing grief, here are some ways to support them through it.
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