Commitment issues can pop up in different areas of our lives – relationships, careers, even our faith journey. They often stem from fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, or the fear of making the wrong choice can keep us from committing.
Commitment issues are most often experienced in relationships, but you can encounter them in other areas of life. You might find yourself hesitant to set a goal that requires you to stick to a plan or take on a long-term project at work. So, what causes these commitment issues? How can you overcome them?
Signs of commitment issues
Trying to figure out if you struggle with commitment issues, or if someone you care about might be held back by them? Here are some common traits of people who have commitment issues:
- Fear of long-term responsibility. You have a hard time making long-term decisions. Things like a long-term relationship, a new job, or a big investment might be difficult.
- Constantly second-guessing decisions. Are you a chronic over-analyzer? This habit can keep you feeling stuck. (Remember what Matthew 6:34 says: worrying about the future keeps us from truly living today!)
- Fear of being hurt or let down. If you’ve been hurt in the past, it’s natural to hesitate to trust others again. But the fear of being hurt or let down can make it harder to commit in the future.
What causes commitment issues?
Like many emotional setbacks, there are deep-rooted causes that make us the way we are. Here are some of the most common reasons why someone might have commitment issues.
- Past hurt or broken trust: A history of betrayal can make it hard to open up. Trust issues can linger.
- Fear of losing freedom: Sometimes, we think commitment means giving up our freedom or autonomy in life.
- Unrealistic expectations: Are you waiting for “perfect?” The perfect job, the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend, the perfect house – it’s all an impossible search.
- A lack of trust in God's faithfulness: Real commitment requires us to trust that God is in control. When our future is uncertain, that trust can be uncomfortable!
How to overcome commitment issues
No matter what might cause you to shy away from commitment, there’s an opposite behavior that can help you overcome your commitment-phobia:
If you’re afraid...
Invite God into your fears. Philippians 4:6-7 encourages us with the reminder that we can always bring our worries to God in prayer. When you talk to God about the things that make you anxious, he can give you peace and clarity.
If you’re uncertain...
Take a small step toward trust. Commitment isn’t always an all-or-nothing deal. Taking commitment one step at a time can help you move forward.
If you’ve been going it alone...
Surround yourself with wise people who can speak into your life. Proverbs 15:22 reminds us how valuable it is to bring others into our struggles – and our decisions! Don’t underestimate the power of input from someone who wants the best for you.
If you’re struggling to trust God...
Remember that he’s committed to you! Lamentations 3:22-23 gives us a powerful reminder: God’s love is constant, even when we struggle to commit. He’s always there for you. He will never let you down.
You can commit to commit!
Avoiding commitment may feel like the safe choice, but it keeps us from experiencing the life God dreams of for us. Where is the fear of commitment holding you back in life? What might you be missing out on?
Think about one area of life you’re struggling to commit. Today, commit to taking that concern to God. Talk to him about it and ask him to give you clarity and direction!
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Trust is a key component to commitment. Here are some tips for building trust with the important people in your life.
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