Good communication is vital for building strong relationships and resolving conflict. Poor communication can cause hurt, misunderstanding, and conflict. We all get it wrong sometimes—here’s how to get it right!
Why try to communicate better?
Stronger communication skills can be a game-changer. They can be the difference between understanding and misunderstanding, resolving disagreement and sparking grudges. It’s the key to communicating important truths while maintaining the relationships that matter most in our lives. And by following these tips, you can develop healthier communication:
1. Listen actively
How often have you felt like the person you’re talking to isn’t really listening? It’s not a good feeling—and one we can keep others from feeling by practicing active listening. Proverbs 18:2 says, “Fools have no interest in understanding, they only want to air their own opinions.” When we don’t understand the other person, we risk creating conflict or hurt even when there’s no disagreement.
So pay attention to what the other person is saying. Don’t just listen to respond or start preparing what you’re going to say back. Then, take things a step further by repeating what you heard the other person say—not word for word, but how you’re understanding it. Doing this may seem small, but it offers your conversation partner a valuable opportunity. They can either confirm that you’re understanding them correctly, or offer additional clarity!
2. Use "I" statements instead of "You" statements
There’s a subtle tone shift between saying “You’re always late” and “I feel stressed when we don’t arrive a few minutes early.” “You” statements can make the other person feel attacked, putting them on the defensive. “I” statements, on the other hand, keep the focus on how you feel. They allow you to express your feelings without making it seem like you’re throwing blame or judgement.
A built-in gut check
“I” statements are only as effective as our own ability to communicate our feelings—and that depends on how well we understand our feelings. It may feel rudimentary, but referencing a feelings chart can give you language to describe what you’re processing, making sure you feel understood without making someone else feel defensive.
3. Communicate truth with grace
As followers of Jesus, the truth matters. The same goes for relationships. But that doesn’t mean we can say whatever we want “because it’s the truth.” We can speak truth in gracious, life-giving ways or in hurtful, harmful ways. Learning how to speak truth with grace shows care and concern for the other person—a great way to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15).
Why does this matter? Because otherwise, we run the risk of:
Think carefully before you speak so you can speak life into others—especially if the truth may be hard for them to hear.
4. Be open to feedback
While we may not want to admit it, we don’t always communicate effectively—and the people who know best what it’s like to be on the receiving end of us are the people we engage with. Asking for feedback from someone you trust—and talk to a good deal—can bring valuable observations and insights to light, helping you get better at communicating.
Being open to receive feedback requires humility. We can only hear and benefit from constructive criticism if we’re willing to recognize the ways we can improve. Proverbs 12:1 says, “To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction.”
5. Nonverbal communication matters
Sometimes what we don’t say is just as important as what we do say. Here are some ways we communicate nonverbally—without words:
- Gestures: pointing, waving, nodding, crossing your arms
- Posture: standing or sitting up straight, slouching, leaning in or away
- Tone of voice: volume, pitch, and which words are emphasized
- Facial expressions: smiling, frowning, raising eyebrows, eye-rolling, and eye contact
Next time you’re in a conversation, take inventory of your body language. Is your physical posture matching the posture of your heart?
6. Be empathetic and compassionate
Empathy is the ability to see things from another’s perspective. It matters because the better we understand someone, the better we can communicate with them. Philippians 2:4-5 puts it this way: “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
You can show empathy by asking questions to get to know their perspective. Questions that start with “What was it like to…” or “How does it feel when…” are a good place to start. You can also try validating their feelings by saying, “That must have felt…” or “That sounds like it was really ___ for you.”
7. Make time for meaningful conversations
The daily grind can distract us from being intentional about our communication—and hurriedness can lead to communication breakdowns.
The solution is slowing down. Create time and space to talk. This helps you not only prepare mentally and emotionally for the conversation, but knowing you have the time makes it easier to give yourself time to process what you’re hearing and carefully respond.
8. Understand conflict resolution styles
We each have different ways of dealing with conflict. The main ones are:
- Competing: Conflict is a battle, and there can only be one winner.
- Accommodating: Automatically deferring to others wants/desires, even if it’s not best for everyone.
- Compromising: Using superficial compromise as a band-aid, leaving the root of the issue unaddressed.
- Collaborating: Conflict is something to tackle together, understanding each other’s needs while expressing their own effectively.
When we understand our own conflict resolution style—and the styles of others—we can clear the path toward resolutions that last.
9. Pray together
Ephesians 4:2-4 reminds us that inviting God into our relationships leads to greater unity. And Philippians 4:6-7 tells us to “pray about everything,” that we “will experience God’s peace” when we pray. When we include God in our conversations and seek his guidance, it will guard our hearts and minds, helping us think carefully about how we’re communicating.
10. Give lots of grace!
Communication is a skill that takes time. Be patient with yourself and others. James 1:19-20 tells us to “be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry” because our anger “does not produce the righteousness God desires.” And Colossians 3:12-15 reminds us to “make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you.”
Our relationships are only as strong as our communication.
Clear, kind, and intentional communication strengthens relationships and builds intimacy and trust. What’s the best next step to improve communication in your relationships? Is it time to ask honest questions about how you come across, be more self-aware of your nonverbal communication, or take time to pray with others? Whichever step you take, you’ll start to move toward healthier, more productive communication with others!
-----
Communication is the key to diffusing and resolving conflict before it causes lasting damage. Here are some helpful examples to make you a conflict management master!
-----
LCBC stands for Lives Changed By Christ. We are one church in multiple locations across Pennsylvania. Find the location closest to you or join us for Church Online. We can’t wait to connect with you!