No matter how long you’ve been married, it can be challenging to navigate relationships with in-laws. Whether it’s different values, communication styles, or expectations, it’s not uncommon to feel strained or tense in these family dynamics.
Yet, honoring family ties is essential to maintaining a healthy marriage. Here's some advice for husband and wife on making marriage work while navigating in-law relationships.
What to do when you don’t get along with your in-laws
Family relationships are complex. Each individual brings their own traditions, values, expectations, and communication styles – and sometimes that can create tension or foster disagreement. When this happens, it’s most important to remember the advice from Ephesians 4:2-3:
“Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.”
This verse reminds us of the importance of patience and humility in fostering understanding and laying the groundwork for better interactions with family. Keep that in mind as you try out these tips!
1. Keep an open dialogue with your partner
If things feel tense between you and your in-laws, it’s important for married couples to start by discussing their feelings and concerns with each other. Open communication is key for navigating any relationship, especially when it involves family.
Use Philippians 2:4 as a guiding principle: “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” This is crucial to keep in mind, because remember – you're talking about your spouse’s family; the people who raised them and have been a part of their lives longer than you have.
Set boundaries together
Establishing boundaries could be helpful for maintaining a healthier relationship with your in-laws. Discuss with your spouse what you will and won’t tolerate, and make sure you’re a united front. This agreement with each other can minimize misunderstandings and keep your marriage strong.
2. Show respect, even when it’s difficult
It’s important to honor your in-laws, even when differences come up. Respect can go a long way in building a more positive relationship. Romans 12:10 reminds us, “love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” Practicing respect, even during challenging interactions, helps create a more harmonious family dynamic.
Manage your expectations
Just because you’re going first in showing respect doesn’t mean it will always be reciprocated right away, especially if things have been tense in the past. Keeping your expectations in check can keep you from getting disappointed or frustrated and help you stay patient in your interactions with your in-laws.
3. Practice patience
Speaking of patience, building healthy relationships doesn’t usually happen overnight. It’s important to have patience as you navigate complicated family dynamics. Colossians 3:12-13 reminds us: “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you.” Embrace these qualities and watch as your forgiveness and patience grows toward your in-laws!
Seek forgiveness
You may not be the only one who needs patience with your in-laws – your in-laws might need patience with you, too! Being the first one to ask for forgiveness and extend the olive branch can go a long way.
4. Focus on your marriage
Ultimately, your marriage needs to be your first priority. Before you were married, your immediately – parents and siblings – were your “first family.” But getting married establishes a new family unit, and you and your spouse are now each other’s “first family.” Mark 10:7-8 describes this union as two becoming “one flesh.”
Make sure you’re both united in your approach to handling family dynamics and check in with each other regularly to keep a pulse on your feelings. This will help you keep your marriage strong and make sure you’re prioritizing each other.
Lead with love
As you face the challenges of navigating tricky family dynamics, it’s important to lead with love. 1 Peter 4:8 reminds us to “continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.” None of these pointers will work as effectively if they aren’t motivated by love and a desire to make and keep peace in your family.
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