Conflict is complicated. Lots of us will do whatever it takes to avoid it, even if our conflict avoidance keeps our relationships from getting better. Others, on the other hand, lean too hard into conflict and end up doing more harm than good.
The Bible reminds us in Proverbs 27:17 that “iron sharpens iron,” but sharpening requires friction. So, if you want to grow – and if you want your relationships to be the best they can be – that requires leaning into the friction and tension. But it’s important to do so in a helpful, healthy way!
Let’s take a look at some conflict resolution examples to help identify where your blind spots may be and how to get better at navigating and resolving conflict and tension with the important people in your life.
Conflict resolution examples: what not to do
Is your current approach to conflict doing more harm than good? Here are two behaviors that can sabotage your efforts to build lasting peace in your relationships.
1. You’re a Peace-Faker
Peace fakers will go out of their way to avoid conflict for the sake of maintaining harmony. But this harmony is superficial. It may seem like a calm approach, but it’s actually a temporary fix that can lead to bigger problems down the road.
You know you’re a peace-faker if...
- You avoid difficult conversations.
- “It’s fine! Everything’s fine!” is your go-to catchphrase.
- You sweep issues under the rug instead of addressing them.
- You deny your own feelings to avoid discomfort.
Ignoring or avoiding conflict is like keeping the lid on a boiling pot. Eventually, what’s inside will bubble over, creating a mess of damaging consequences. Avoiding conflict doesn’t make it go away; it just lets it keep growing under the surface.
2. You’re a peace-taker
On the opposite end of the spectrum are the peace-takers. Peace-takers don’t have any problem with conflict. But instead of engaging it in a way that leads to understanding and reconciliation in relationships, peace-takers lose sight of the importance of grace in difficult conversations. The result is more division, more hard feelings, and stalled-out relationships.
You might be a peace-taker if...
- You’re quick to point out how others are causing problems.
- You focus on the negative and have trouble noticing the good.
- You feel like you need to give others “a piece of your mind.”
- You think other people are too sensitive.
The peace-taker creates unnecessary discord in their relationships. Over time, this can cause lasting damage in their relationships – and maybe even cause them to end.
The healthy approach to conflict
The thing peace-fakers and peace-takers both get wrong is the ratio of truth and grace. Peace-fakers lean too heavy into the grace, and the truth never comes out. Peace-takers are so laser-focused on the truth that they lose sight of how their message comes across.
The solution is to be a peacemaker. Instead of faking peace or taking it from your circles, peace makers do the work to build toward true peace with the important people in their lives.
Key characteristics of peacemakers:
- Peacemakers value honesty and transparency. They are willing to address issues head-on.
- Peacemakers balance grace and truth. They speak with kindness while remaining committed to the truth.
- Peacemakers are committed to resolution. They seek restoration and focus on solutions that will strengthen their relationships.
This is how Jesus calls us to approach conflict. In Matthew 5:9, he says, “God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called children of God.” So how can you work for peace and be a true peacemaker in your relationships?
How to be a peacemaker
It may take some getting used to, but following these five steps when tension and conflict arise can help you get better at building lasting peace in your relationships:
- Acknowledge the conflict: Don’t avoid it or deny it. Recognize that conflict is an opportunity to grow.
- Seek first to understand: Listen with empathy, not just to plan your response. Try to understand the other person’s perspective before trying to get them to understand yours.
- Speak with grace and truth: be honest, but be kind. Balance the difficult truth with compassion.
- Focus on solutions: instead of assigning blame, work toward an outcome that will restore and strengthen your relationship.
- Reflect on your approach: are you faking peace, taking peace, or making peace? Choose to grow as a peacemaker.
Conflict isn’t the enemy
Conflict is uncomfortable, but it can be a powerful tool for building healthy relationships that stand the test of time. Whether you’re at home, at work, or in your community, the way you approach conflict can make all the difference. Remember these conflict resolution examples and try your best to approach it the right way. By choosing to be a peacemaker, you honor God and open the door to deeper, stronger connections with the people around you.
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People are different – and so are their views and opinions. Instead of letting differing opinions blow up your relationships, here’s how to handle conflicting perspectives.
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