Forgiveness is a cornerstone of following Jesus – the word “forgive” alone appears over 120 times in the Bible. One of the most well-known verses about forgiveness is found in Matthew 18:21-22, where Jesus instructs his Disciple, Peter, to forgive someone “seventy times seven” times!
Forgiveness, though widely talked about, is easily misunderstood. The Bible sheds a lot of light on why forgiveness is important. Here are some of the most common misconceptions about forgiveness and the truth about how to forgive:
What is forgiveness in the Bible?
To better understand what forgiveness is, let’s clarify what it isn’t. The Bible is clear about how to approach forgiveness, and we can use that wisdom to debunk some of the most common myths about what it means to forgive:
Forgiveness is not excusing what someone did
Have you ever heard the phrase “Forgive and forget?” Our culture has fabricated this idea that once we’ve forgiven someone, we can just forget what they did even happened. If you've ever needed to forgive someone before, you’ve probably discovered it isn’t that simple.
The very nature of forgiveness is calling out the wrong that was done. Jesus told the story of a king who forgave a man's financial debt in Matthew 18:23-27. In order for for the king to forgive his debtor, he first needed to identify the debt that was owed.
You can't forgive someone unless you've first declared that what they did was wrong. So, contrary to popular belief, forgiveness doesn't wipe away the past.
Forgiveness is not the same as reconciling
Another misconception is that forgiveness requires us to restore the relationship. However, that's not the case. Forgiveness is a posture of our hearts, and reconciliation is the action of healing a broken relationship – and the two are not interchangeable.
You can have forgiveness with or without reconciliation. Forgiving someone, whether or not we try to make amends, simply means we’ve decided not to try to hold the other person accountable for the way they hurt us. And sometimes, in order to do that, we need to let go of toxic relationships that do more harm than good.
That may sound harsh, but Jesus clarifies that sometimes allowing a relationship to sever is the only way to prevent more relational damage. In Matthew 18:15-20, he talks through the steps of forgiving and reconciling with someone who has wronged you, saying that if all else fails, “treat that person as a pagan or corrupt tax collector” and stop associating with them.
Forgiveness does not release someone from the consequences of their actions
When we’ve been wronged, it’s natural to want to see proper punishment carried out. And sometimes we think that, by forgiving someone, they'll never face consequences.
But the reality of forgiveness is that it only frees the person from paying you back. It doesn't mean they won't ever face the repercussions of their actions in other ways. There can be real consequences for what they've done, and you can forgive someone while allowing them to face them.
What is forgiveness?
Ultimately, forgiveness is the willing decision on our part to cancel a debt. To not make the other person pay us back, no matter what they've taken from us. It may sound impossible, but Bible proves that forgiveness can be given even when justice isn’t served – a truth illustrated powerfully by Jesus.
Jesus took on the punishment meant for each of us forgive our sins and to cleanse us of our past.. The consequences of all the sins of mankind fell on Jesus – who never once sinned – as he died on the cross (2 Corinthians 5:21). Because of this remarkable sacrifice, we are forgiven for our sins and mistakes without receiving any punishment. In turn, we forgive like Jesus when we choose to absorb a debt that someone else owes us.
Forgiveness can be difficult, even painful, but ultimately it frees us. Refusing to forgive is like building yourself into a prison - you're asking someone to return to you things that you can't get back. Trust, innocence, time, money, their word. But choosing forgiveness, canceling the debt, frees you from all that weight. And when we reflect on how we've been forgiven by Jesus, the decision to forgive others becomes easier.
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Though forgiveness is often over-simplified in our culture, the Bible offers us valuable clarity on the facts and myths about forgiveness. Here are some more resources to help you explore forgiveness:
Is There a Limit to Forgiveness?
The 7 Most Impactful Psalms for Forgiveness
4 Steps to Freedom From Anger
Or check out this episode of the Live Changed Podcast, where our hosts have an honest conversation about finding purpose in our pain and discovering how to forgive others in the process.
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The Live Changed Podcast is produced by LCBC Church. LCBC stands for Lives Changed By Christ. We are one church in multiple locations across Pennsylvania. Subscribe to the Live Changed Podcast wherever you listen to podcasts!